


This Is My Life, Crazy As It Is

by ranereins (shadowintime)



Series: Therapy Sessions [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Gen, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-07
Updated: 2012-02-07
Packaged: 2017-10-30 18:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/334701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowintime/pseuds/ranereins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny goes for a session with this therapist, things are good... at least, Danny thinks so.  *Note: Can be read as slash or not, depending on whether that's your thing or not.*</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is My Life, Crazy As It Is

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Big Bang challenge @ Fandomverse on LJ. I wanted to do something funny and maybe a bit silly, so I decided to use texts from [Texts From Last Night](http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/) as prompts, this one was 'I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. But it all turned out pretty well.' Beta'd by sgflutegirl
> 
> Also, I recommend that you picture Jane Lynch as the therapist, that what I did as I wrote this. >:D

“It’s been a while since I last saw you.”

Danny nodded as he sat on the couch across from his therapist. “Yeah, it has.”

She settled into her chair and pulled her file on him into her lap, giving it a quick look over to refresh her memory. “So, how are things?”

“Things are good,” Danny replied, smiling genuinely.

She glanced up at him, noting the smile; it was something that she only saw when he spoke of his daughter. “Good, that’s good. I believe the last time you talked, you were looking for a new place to live… how’s that going? Have you found a place?”

Danny nodded. “Yep. I’m living with Steve.”

She frowned. “Again?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought last time you tried to live with Steve, it didn’t work out so well.”

Danny chuckled. “No, no it didn’t.”

“So what makes you think it will be any different this time?”

“We sat down, talked it out, and came to an agreement, set some rules.”

She nodded as she scribbled down some notes. “And you feel that if the two of you can follow this agreement and set of rules, you can coexist in a healthy way?”

“Yeah.”

“What are some rules?”

“I’m allowed to take showers longer than three minutes,” Danny began, holding up his fingers to count them as he went, “I’m allowed to eat things that make crumbs so long as I use the hand vacuum afterwards to clean up, I can listen to the TV after ten o’clock so long as I wear the headphones he bought for me…”

“And what about Steve, what did _you_ sacrifice for Steve’s sake?”

“Well, I accept his crazy for what it is, SEAL stuff, and don’t complain about it for one. That was the big one. I also acknowledge that it is _his_ house and that he can hide his grenades and C4 anywhere he likes…”

She stopped writing and stared at him in disbelief. Danny didn’t seem to notice though.

“… and I’m not good at laundry, so I either let him do it or leave his things out of the wash if I do a load. For a man with so many blue shirts, you’d think it wouldn’t be a big deal if a couple pairs of his white boxer briefs accidently came out a baby blue, but oh no! It was like an international incident. Nothing a little bleach couldn’t fix, but I still had to hear about how you have to sort everything into a million different categories that only he can remember, even if you have to do a bunch of small loads of laundry, which takes up half of the day!” Danny took a deep breath, calming himself. “I’m fine with him doing the laundry though. One less thing I have to do and I don’t know how he does it, but my clothes have never been softer. I put the same amount of fabric softener and everything in, but they still don’t turn out the same.”

“Alright, well, that all sounds reasonable enough,” she said, though there was a note of sarcasm in her tone. “But do you think it is enough to keep the two of you happy long term?”

“No.”

She gave him a disapproving look as she started to make another note.

“But, no relationship is all rainbows and sunshine. You take the good with the bad.”

“True,” she admitted. “So, living together this time around is going well so far? No bumps in the proverbial road?”

“Not really,” Danny replied as he thought it over. “Well, there was that one time when we were invaded by three ninjas and a Russian just before bedtime, but I don’t know if you’d consider it a ‘bump’.”

She arched a brow. “Invaded?”

“Yeah. The ninjas were after Steve, but the Russian turned out to be after me. I guess I put his brother away back in Jersey. Completely unrelated events that just happened to occur at the same time.” Danny chuckled at the thought.

“So they broke in and tried to kill you?”

“Yeah,” Danny said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, “like I said, invaded.”

“Invaded is an odd choice of words. Why would you say invaded instead of, say, breaking in?”

“Because it was a full blown invasion. Have you ever seen footage of when soldiers stormed Normandy beach?”

“Of course.”

“It was a lot like that. The Russian hit the house with a car, drove right into the living room as we were headed up the stairs, and the ninjas burst through the bedroom windows shortly after that. Bullets were flying everywhere, glass was shattering…”

“Wow. That must have been… terrifying.” She was at a loss for words.

“Yeah, definitely got the adrenaline going. Steve grabbed my wrist and pulled me down into the basement. I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he started rifling through boxes of his childhood toys, pulled out a super-soaker with a look of triumph and filled it with kerosene. But it all turned out pretty well. Apparently super-soakers make decent flame throwers.”

She stared at him for a moment. “I would not have guessed that.”

“Me either.”

“So, I’m guessing that you got the Russian and the ninjas?”

“Yeah. The Russian is sitting in jail with no eyebrows, two of the ninjas died and the other is in the burn unit… who knew spandex would melt into skin like that.”

“Uh… right. So, it sounds like life has been pretty crazy lately.”

Danny shrugged. “Maybe a little. We’re redoing the living room, just about done with it now, but we can’t agree on which shade of off-white to paint it. I like the eggshell, but he likes some other shade that is pretty much exactly the same.”

“Well, we are out of time Danny,” she said, staring at her watch. “But I’d like to recommend that you see me twice a week for the foreseeable future.”

“Why?” Danny frowned.

“Because every session since I started seeing you, you ranted half of the hour about all the crazy stunts and risks that Steve takes and about how many times he’s almost gotten the two of you killed because of them.”

“And because I didn’t rant for half an hour, this is cause for double the amount of sessions?”

“Danny, you sat here and told me that ninjas and a Russian _invaded_ your house and that Steve turned a super-soaker into a flame thrower, grinning all the while as though it were a cute and funny story to be told, and all you really had to say about it was that it ‘turned out pretty well’ and you can’t decide on paint colors.”

Danny thought about it for a moment. “True. But, this is my life, crazy as it is.”


End file.
